Farewell the year of 2013

It’s been a long time since I have blogged but I couldn’t let the year pass without one post at least.  I have just re-read my New Year’s Eve post from the year previous: it seems my year was a little disappointing to me to say the least. So has this year been more fulfilling? Maybe not but my outlook is exceptionally cheerier. So what if the best of my youth is behind me, I have acquired yet more financially damming debt, gotten myself into more hot water with an overpaid job that clearly I am underqualified to do and my little brood are, of course, driving me to distraction……. I am …. No I mean it … this mental mother is going to write a positive blog!

So here are my top ten achievements for 2013 ……

1) Despite numerous broken bones, split heads and genuine unfortunate illnesses, I have somehow still managed to retain custody of all 3 of my children! I have lost count of the amount of a ‘n’ e trips this year, ever so much more embarrassing with each visit. The one most so perhaps is the one where I was sat nursing a bleeding child dressed in my bedtime onesie covered with my husband’s jumper and finished off stylishly with my daughter’s trainers. Of course I had a lack of war paint on my face and my mop was un-brushed – it was nearly midnight! I was accompanied by my children who looked like extras from Annie! My 12 year old daughter shamelessly had a towel wrapped around her dripping wet hair and my son was dressed in his American basketball kit in the cold December weather.  As if this description of the ‘Croods’ isn’t disturbing enough …. Imagine then … my total and utter dismay when my ex-boyfriend appeared before me and proceeded to make reminiscent conversation for the duration of my visit. Not exactly the ‘check me out now’ reunion I had imagined we might have!

Anyway back to the kids … so the nurses greeting comments of ‘does he/she have a social worker was becoming more and more cringe-worthy. Yet still despite the over protective questioning of the professionals they have clearly decided that I am still deemed to be a suitable guardian. Yippee! (Sarcasm? Maybe just a little ; ) )

2) This year I have only had 1 car crash ….  A personal best. Result!

3) Despite my total inability to behave even remotely like a fully -fledged adult when I sip from the alcoholic cup ….. my cringe-worthy behaviour in the public houses of our town has still not appeared as a viral video circulating the masses through YouTube and Facebook. I know this because after every such night out I wake up and trawl such sites with key words such as ‘vomiting lady’, ‘Epic kerb fall resulting in face plant’, ‘oldie grinding on pole’ and other such embarrassing phrases.

4) Despite my decade old heating boiler dying last year, I have managed to squeeze yet another year of life out of it by beating it at random points with a large hammer! Money saving expert; if I may say so myself.

5) With the holes in my tights hidden well above my skirt hem and the pen leakage in my jacket pocket hidden beneath a carefully placed belt, I managed to trick a stern interview panel into seeing beneath my ruffled exterior to see the true professional that lay deep below and bagged a fancy new job. Bingo!

6)  My children started new schools and I quickly got to know lots of new parents. Surely how I got to meet them isn’t important. Is it? O.K. … so maybe the rumours circulating the school about my son completing a dare on the annual school residential  to inappropriately urinate out of the youth hostel window might not have been the best way for everybody to learn our names! And I doubt either was the slightly face reddening moment of having your reg plate shouted out by the head teacher at my 5 year olds first ever nativity play in front of a packed out audience. The problem was that my poorly parked car was preventing the local bus from taking around 100 commuters to work. The walk of shame out of that place beat any of my early morning, half-dressed saunter homes in my younger days I tell you! Well at least then I had achieved something! My joke about being the star of the show as I coyly walked across the stage my not have made anybody laugh but it was better than the deafening silence as my heels clicked across the recently polished floor …. Anyway I must stop ….  I have allowed my negativity to run away with me …. like I said…the positive thing about this is that everybody got to know us … really quickly!

7) I have finally managed to overcome my bank balance checking anxiety! I now feel stable enough to be able to check my balance on my account without my heart racing, the rancid taste of a dry mouth and Parkinson like shakes. The seconds the machine takes to decide whether I can have the £50 I have requested no longer makes me feel like a young Alice falling deep into the rabbit hole. Is this new mental state due to an influx of money topping up my disgustingly high overdraft? No of course not … but instead comes from a Feng Shui acceptance that I know that I am broke and I have chosen to never again expect there to be any disposable income residing in my bank. Acceptance is a beautiful thing!

8) On the note of finances … despite my acceptance of my brokenness, I still managed to take my children on a foreign jaunt. Ok so it may have been in a cramped tent that took us a full two days to drive to … but it still ticked the box!  In fact the journey itself could actually be classed as an achievement. Despite my obvious waning patience as we approached the end of the 6 week holidays …. We/I managed to survive a 2 day car journey across France in soaring temperatures, with a husband who refused to put on the air con due to a petrol saving quest. So with my children sat in their underwear to avoid passing out and clutching their electronic devices that had long since run out of power (with the hope that they may spontaneously re-start), we semi-successfully played  ….wait for it …. ‘Family games’! Ok so maybe they slapped each other a few times in annoyance during eye spy and maybe … just maybe … I did the angry, frantic, seat belt restricted, grabbing for a child in the back of the car as they nervously giggled and struggled into the far corners of their seats when they used an inappropriate adjective …. But still nobody died! Therefore a successful car journey was had by all!

9) Perhaps one of my personal biggest achievements is the retainment of all of my wonderful friends. You may think that this is easily done and should surely not make it into anybody’s top ten! Well if so you do not know me well my friend. Despite standing my friends up in restaurants due to my goldfish brain and my badly planned, constantly double booked diary, vomiting in their husbands cars (to be fair I was aiming for my handbag), ignoring their texts for so long that they are planning my funeral,  a failure to remember birthdays (I am just trying to keep them young0, their willingness to still love me despite my abundant and embarrassing overuse of profanities, my deranged anxious ranting in regards to my obviously abducted children as they have failed to answer my phone calls and my skilful avoidance of being arrested for my un-mentionable, un-acceptable behaviour when drunk, they are still sending me texts and agreeing to accompany me out in public! I think this is pretty amazing and I love them dearly!

10) And yes I am still married …. and this is positive because …. well you know …. Because ermmmm ok ….oh sod it … you have me here! Ok so I have 9 positive achievements and one thing on my to do list ; ).

The moral of this story? Usually positive attributes can be found hidden within most tragic occurrences and if that’s all you have got to hold onto … you best start digging! See it’s not the experiences you go through; it’s the way you look at them!

Goodbye 2013, it’s been fun! xxx

 

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