It is so quirky, raw and original. She has a talent to transport me to a time and place I have never experienced. A very funny and talented writer.
Carol Bennett – Canada
Reading ‘The diary of an Ageing Sexual Adolescent’ was a blast from the past and while our musical tastes weren’t the same, our romantic interludes seemed to be. It will strike a note with most 1990s teens out there; the teeth smashing, the indiscriminate fancying of anyone and everyone, the straying into enemy territory in the pursuit of love, it’s all here. But what struck me the most was how the tone subtly changed, much like our heroine, as life and love played it’s wicked game with her. I read the last section through in one night, so desperate was I to know the outcome. A brave, honest and laugh out loud cringe fest coupled with the heart wrenching destruction of your ideals regarding love. A fab read, a definite buy.
Jaimee Beavers – UK
It’s Here ……………………..
The day that I have feared, anticipated, vomited over is finally upon me. I hope you enjoy my seeds my friends. Without you, I am nothing. Thank you for walking this lengthy journey by my side.
All my love,
Once upon a time, on a day you probably barely remember, I spilt to you, the news that I was working on a brand new series of books that would hopefully spread the laughter of this blog amongst the miles. Not one to compete with myself or my own blog, I decided to write a fictional story about a young girl trying to deal with life in all its true forms and brutal truth and not replicate the glorified versions of which currently adorn the bookshelves of Waterstones everywhere.
Now admittedly, my first agent informed me that nobody wanted to read about how shit it was to lose your virginity and nothing like the magical event we imagine it to be, how some girls find penises repulsive to look at, never mind touch and more importantly have no idea what to do with them. And they definitely would not like to read about a girl who LIKED TO HAVE SEX but was not always so keen on the relationship aspect. Apparently my protagonist would be classed as a flawed heroine, and not only was she unrealistic and readers would not be able to identify with her but people wouldn’t like her either. Funny that, I feel like I know so many ‘flawed heroines’ that apparently people would not like #wounded.
It got me thinking, do we all have such an amazing experience of adolescence, or are there a ridiculous amount of Shannons out there, but we just don’t talk about it. Even in 2018, is it still not acceptable to act/feel this way, simply because you are a woman? Now if you have followed this blog for some time, you will know, that I am not very good at positive portrayal and much prefer to spew out experiences of real life to the masses that also have no chance in hell of every experiencing a seemingly ‘normal’ life.
So it will be of no surprise to fill you in that, I wrote the fucking book anyway. And I am sure that it will also be of no surprise to know that I found this book writing experience a total fucking nightmare. Maybe you were with me at the beginning of this journey, like 2 FRIGGING YEARS AGO!!!
Maybe you were convinced by a riveting cover and engaging blurb to download this emerging author’s debut novel’s free chapters. And now many moons later, long after you have no doubt forgotten the juicy innards of Shannon Black’s life, the weary author has had the time to finally finish the story. Yay! Like any good story, the process has not been without an evil witch or two. The ‘time fairy’ stole all of the writer’s time and she was enforced by her wicked mentor to split her lengthy tale into a series of books, even requiring a scary title change. Eek!
But a happy ending is surely on its way, as I bring to you great tidings of a release date of the book that should never be released. It seem then that you can all judge for yourself, whether Shannon is indeed normal or if we should put her in the stocks at Chesterfield Market and lob rotting vegetation at her? On Friday 20th July, 2018, your inbox will be filled with a joyous invitation to purchase the final offerings of the completed debut novel, the first in the series, ‘The diary of an Ageing Sexual Adolescent – The Harsh and Brutal Truth of Firsts’.
If you cannot contain your excitement and eagerness to be the first in line to grab a sparkling copy for yourself, then fear not because you can grab the first four chapters completely free right here.
Following the release tomorrow, for a whole two long weeks, my new release will be available exclusively, digitally on amazon at the discounted price of £2.99!
If you are not the e-reader type, then don’t worry, the paperback is currently being prepared and will be released shortly after on Friday 27th July. Who needs a god damn fairy godmother or indeed a likeable, identifiable, not flawed heroine? Just give me sleeping children, silence, some bananas for energy and a brutally honest exploration of the trials and tribulations of ‘sexual adolescence’.
The ageing and exhausted writer would like to thank you from the bottom of her heart for your patience and most of all for being a part of her journey to becoming a writer. I only hope you enjoy reading about her journey as much as I enjoyed writing it. And if you are missing my blog posts as much as I am also missing writing them, then watch this space. As following spending every available second I have sleeping and drinking for the next few weeks, then I will happily get back to being a keyboard warrior. Oh do I have some stories to tell!
Wishing us all a happily ever after,
If you are recently contemplating your own early death as the only viable coping mechanism for parenting teenagers… then fear not!!! I am going to bring to you regular positive point prompts (from my new book) of why having teenagers is awesome. So let’s start right here:
1) No alarm clock needed on a weekend (saving both money and the annoyance of having to remember to set it). As a parent to teenagers you will be provided with the wonderful experience of waking up to the sound of your 16 year old daughter sobbing her eyes out screaming at her boyfriend down the phone probably due to spending the night at a party laying his tools to some pre teen who he has recently stacked up the streaks with. Thus having the added bonus of bringing back your own horrific memories of the purgatory that is adolescence.
But if you should be unfortunate enough to not be blessed with a raging hormonal and terribly unstable daughter, and only a zombified, full of rage son – then fear not … this positive point can still be applied to you! Ok .. so you may not get the petrified sobs full of separation anxiety but instead you will be awoken to the beautiful ringing of virtual frustration, violent threats and warbling over a lack of bullets not to mention a lack of co-operation from his ‘fucking retarded’ virtual team mates (clearly their words not mine).
Now …. if like me … you are pleasantly blessed with one child from each gender bracket, then imagine the joy of being awoken by the sublime ringing of both of the afore mentioned, simultaneously!!! Yes … simultaneously!!! There is nothing better than being dragged from your sleepy slumberous dream ( who wants Channing Tatum to school them anyway : / ) by two screaming banshees, from opposite ends of the tone bracket – making for quite a symphony sprinkled with profanities.
Ahhhhhhh … seriously this is living the motherhood dream. Get in on the action and create your own teenager today!!
Anybody else feel under immense pressure to post pictures of the sentimental beautiful messages that their children have written to them on this very special day? Or maybe Instagram the piles of thoughtful presents? Share details of days out or special moments shared with the fruits of your loins? Yeah of course you do! And should anybody say anything to the contrary, then they are simply being contrary for attention – right?
Well I must say that I did receive such lovely things …… from my 7 year old!!!! The teenager and pre teen barely notice I exist and certainly a day on the calendar labelled ‘Mother’s Day’ didn’t hold enough clout to change that! I will give it to them … they dutifully landed on my bed (after the husband had dragged them out of bed) with a card that they had been forced to sign. They reluctantly watched…
View original post 473 more words
Awwww an old fashioned advent!
There are not many perks to having teenagers, let’s just be honest for a minute. Although there will always be some twat reading this who frowns at their screen reminiscing of all their ‘Walton’ moments. Actually, now you have made me ponder it … there may be a couple! For example, having somebody to make you a cup of tea (or more likely witches piss), wash the pots occasionally (leaving clumps of sprouts still attached to the pan) and of course walk the dog (leave the garden and stand around the corner for 10 mins having a fag before they return, dog un-walked).
Anyway I suppose they have a mild level of usefulness but the perk I was particularly mulling over today, was the idea that at times they have the ability to propel us back to our own childhood and fill our heads with memories of days gone by. …
View original post 1,111 more words